It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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