I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
