I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
