I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
