Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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