I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
