why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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