end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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