Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the day after is always just damage control
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How's work?
Spinning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize