if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
