I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
