The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
