i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
