I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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