i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
