There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
