Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
