Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
