I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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