She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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