new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
