You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
