she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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