saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize