Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hippo gnu deer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
