To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Randomize
