Do you still have your period?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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