Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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