the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
