my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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