yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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