it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
