I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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