Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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