I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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