Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
