I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
