I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
God I need to hump something, right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
