I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
