Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
