I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
