OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
