apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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