I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
