anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
