What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
