As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize