so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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