So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Say something about gay babies.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
