get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just gargled with NyQuil
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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