That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
