Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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