Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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