FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize