I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
