somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
