I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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