I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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