shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
