Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
