apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
