you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
