how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
