Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
