I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
In America we eat man semen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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