dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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