This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
