I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
