I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
