six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
