i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
