Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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