Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
