I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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