3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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