ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
