Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
