Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
being pregnant is like rehab
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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