Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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