He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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