White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
