they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
