things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize