I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
