Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
pop tarts are not kleenex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
