guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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