My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
