i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
