Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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