just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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