How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I love having hate sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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